I’m supposed to be writing right now. But I’m having a moment of writer’s block. Write about something close to your heart, a super helpful, not at all annoying voice says in my head. There are a lot of things that are close to my heart. I’ve faced adversity, I could write about that. I could dig deep, and delve into the will to fight, the courage and grace that I channeled to make it through the hardest time of my life. But I don’t want to do that right now. Right now, what I really want is more coffee, and permission to get up and dance to Beyoncé’s Crazy In Love which is playing on the radio. Look, I’m a deep person, okay? But at the moment, I’m bored shitless, so for your amusement, here are 10 things I’d rather do than write.
- Drink Coffee
A couple of months back, I started drinking coffee again after abstaining for a year. I quit drinking coffee because I was struggling with chronic migraine and I was desperate. But my migraines have eased off and so now I allow myself to drink decaf coffee. And let me tell you—pure bliss. No sugar, just cream and oh my god so smooth, so perfect, so sustaining. What’s that proverb? Coffee is life and you should absolutely stop writing and go and make a 3rd cup of coffee. That’s the one.
2. Listen To On Your Mind by Shaun Frank and Alicia Moffet
I broke the replay button. For real though, I can listen to this song on repeat for hours. It sounds like honey and sunshine. I think I’ll put it on now, for research purposes of course. Seriously though, if you haven’t heard this song yet, go and check it out. You won’t be disappointed. You’re welcome. And OMFG Shaun Frank replied to my comment! And…replay!
3. Paint My Nails
I’ve decided to be girlier. Last month I found some light pink nail polish lurking under my bathroom sink that has probably been there since preschool. And so I painted my nails and was thoroughly fulfilled. One of my male friends rudely informed me that light pink was a poor choice of color given that my nails are already light pink. But the heart knows what the heart wants, and so I will be painting my nails again. Preferably now, so I don’t have to write.
4. Serenade My Dog
My brother is currently serenading our ten-year-old golden retriever to Just the Way You Are by Bruno Mars which is playing on the radio. Damn my one hour scheduled writing time. 2 minutes and 28 seconds left, I’m coming Jasper! Cause you’re amazing, just the way you are!
5. Eat Grapes
My mother has bought grapes. The grapes are good. I want to eat the grapes. Now. And stop writing please.
6. Learn How To Rap
A few people have informed me that I don’t know how to have fun. I think they should read this article, but point taken. They suggested that I find a hobby and so I’ve chosen one. Learning how to rap. Yes, you heard me right. This is a new hobby, but so far I can do Ladders by Mac Miller and Matt Champion’s intro to No Halo by Brockhampton. But why, you ask? Rapping is grade-A show-off material, okay? This will serve me well. Do I have the agility, skill, and lung capacity to succeed? Probably not. But I do have access to 0.5 playback speed and a brave, brave soul.
Another proud achievement of mine is learning how to hit stuff. And by stuff, I mean a punching back. And once my brother’s face. Calm down, it wasn’t that hard. Just apparently above the socially acceptable limit. I’m so proud of myself. Growing every day guys! The takeaway here is that I’d rather be kickboxing than writing.
8. Read Harry Potter
I’m a Hufflepuff, don’t question it. Look, I like writing, it’s rewarding, technical, and artistic. But right now it’s boring. And do you know what isn’t boring? An invisibility cloak. Treacle tart. Quidditch. Witches. Wizards. Do you get my gist? Let me spell it out to you: instead of writing, I would really like to read some Harry Potter. Right now. Hold my decaf. Accio Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire!
9. Watch Harry Potter
Writing is fun, sure, but like anything, it has its flaws. Unfortunately, writing doesn’t entail simultaneously watching Harry Potter. This is a serious misgiving. And if I wasn’t so annoyingly disciplined, if I didn’t force myself to write twice daily, for one hour, in a vortex of silence, then I would grab my laptop, pull up YouTube, and rapid-fire type Weasleys rescue Harry from the Dursleys. What a soul-fulfilling scene! Friendship, loyalty, action, laughter—but instead I’m writing.
10. Talk About Harry Potter
Would you like to exchange all-time favorite Harry Potter quotes? Here’s one of mine, love as powerful as your mother’s for you, leaves its own mark. Love marks us for life—beautiful. Here’s another one of my favorites, it is not our abilities that show who we truly are, it is our choices. Isn’t that wise? Who wants to be fancy, decorated, great, and popular when you can choose to be courageous, noble, and humble? But shouldn’t you be writing, you ask concernedly. Technically I am writing. See, almost done!
While I hope that was a funny read, I should probably leave you with some sort of takeaway, some sort of message. I think the message is to stop being so serious. Follow the little whims that intrigue you. Dance, laugh, read, eat grapes, serenade your dog—life is short, have some fun. Not everyday should be a serious workday. Creativity takes time, you need to let your ideas work themselves out in the background. And above all, creativity takes living. So live your life first, and then write a short, silly blog post about it.